What is Positive Parenting?

Dr. Laura Markham refers to positive parenting as positive discipline, gentle guidance, or loving guidance for children. Parents who embrace positive parenting aim to keep their children on the right path. They do this by serving as a guide their children can trust, rather than punishing them. Studies show that this approach fosters thoughtful and responsible children, leading to happier children and parents.

Positive parenting does not change your children overnight. It takes time for both adults and children to learn and adopt a new behavior pattern. Ultimately, positive parenting is an approach based on respect, love, and understanding that allows children to grow and develop healthily. In this model, the goal is to teach children the right behaviors and strengthen the bond between you, rather than punishing them. Here are some insights into the basic principles of positive parenting and how it can be applied:

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO FOR POSITIVE PARENTING?
If you are interested in Positive Parenting, the first thing you need to do is change your perspective and yourself. You can start by remembering your parents who told you not to yell at them and the saying, “Do as I say, not as I do.” By applying the following tips, you can introduce your children to the positive aspects of positive parenting.

TIPS FOR POSITIVE PARENTING
1. Unconditional Love and Acceptance
Let your child know that you love and accept them unconditionally, no matter what they do. This builds their self-confidence and self-respect. Instead of judging them for their failures and mistakes, support them and encourage them to try again. It is very important to convey the message, “I love you no matter what.”

2. Positive Discipline
In positive parenting, discipline is used as a tool for teaching and guiding rather than punishing. Try to understand why the child is exhibiting inappropriate behavior. Discover the emotion behind the behavior and show alternative ways. For example, you can teach a child who hits when angry to manage their emotions by saying, “Instead of hitting, let's talk about what you can do when you're angry.”

3. Boundaries and Rules
Positive parenting does not mean everything is allowed. On the contrary, setting clear and consistent boundaries for children makes them feel safe. You can establish rules together and explain why these rules are necessary. When they break the rules, instead of imposing harsh punishments, let them experience the natural consequences. For example, not being allowed to play with a toy for a while if they don't pick it up.

4. Building Empathy
Try to understand your child's feelings and show empathy. When they are sad, angry, or disappointed, help them name their feelings with phrases like, “I understand, this must be upsetting for you.” Allowing them to express their feelings develops their emotional intelligence.

5. Offering Choices
Give children opportunities to make age-appropriate choices. This helps them learn responsibility and how to make their own decisions. You can start with simple questions like, “What would you like to wear, this or that?” or “Would you like eggs or cheese for breakfast?”

6. Improving Yourself
Positive parenting is not a process where you become perfect overnight. Sometimes you may feel your patience being tested or feel exhausted. In these situations, be kind to yourself. Remember that you are your children's best role models. Accepting your own mistakes, forgiving yourself, and learning from them are important parts of being a positive parent.

7. Always Focus on the Reason
When you see your child exhibiting behavior you dislike, try to understand the reason behind it before disciplining them. Even if this reason seems meaningless to you, rest assured it is very important to your child.

8. Being Both Gentle and Firm When Setting Rules
Although being gentle and firm may seem contradictory, you can be gentle without backing down when telling your children they cannot do something. Explain the rules you set in a gentle and understandable way. Avoid shouting or saying hurtful words.

9. Taking a Break
Although parenting is a 24/7 responsibility, there will be moments when you feel your limits have been crossed and you can't take it anymore. In these moments, it's helpful to take a short break. If your child continues their behavior, tell them you want to take a short break. Go to another room. This short break will give both your child and you a chance to calm down and talk again.

10. Be Clear and Consistent
When setting limits for your children, explain the reasons and consequences seriously and clearly. Make sure your child fully understands the reason for the limit. Be consistent from this point on. If one parent relaxes the limits, it can confuse the child. Therefore, act together and do not back down on the limits.

11. Act According to Age
Children under the age of 3 have difficulty establishing cause-and-effect relationships due to the developmental stage of a part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex. Therefore, instead of explaining the consequences of their actions to children under the age of 3, try to redirect them. Explain to children over the age of 3 that every action has a consequence.

Positive parenting helps both you and your child build a happier and stronger relationship. Although it may seem challenging at first, over time it will create a more peaceful environment for your entire family. Believe that you will see results in the long run and continue to guide them patiently.